A Heart Felt Cry

Today’s post is not a poem or word of encouragement so if you want to delete the email or ignore the post… feel free.

I have been told since I was a young child, “Stefani, you can’t save the world.”  I have always tried to help others.  If I heard of people in need, I wanted to help.  If I heard about someone killing another (or themselves), I felt like I (even though they may have been in another country) could have made a difference.  I speak Spanish and had an in-law (not far from me) who was pregnant.  She was having complications and since her relationship with me wasn’t close, she didn’t call me.  The hospital sent her home and the baby died.  If I could have been there I would have argued with the hospital, but I wasn’t.  “Stefani, you can’t save the world.”

A local teen who was a classmate of my son’s friend, killed himself last night.  Said he was going for a walk…  My son’s friend and I were talking about him LAST NIGHT and how he was missing school and stopped caring, etc.  He was CRYING-OUT for help and NO ONE was listening!  “Stefani, you can’t save the world.”

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HIM WHILE HE WAS ENDING HIS LIFE!!!  “Stefani, you can’t save the world.”  

I asked my sister “Why are we losing our youth?”  She said WE aren’t losing OURS, THEIR parents are.  “They are quitting and giving up on their kids acting out or wanting to be left alone.  This is the result.”  I thought again, “Stefani, you can’t save the world.”  But, I was JUST TALKING ABOUT HIM!  If I had thought, maybe we could go to see him and talk to him. Maybe we could have stopped him in time… But, NO life is too overwhelming and we didn’t have TIME.   Well, now we have TIME, but HE doesn’t.  And the kicker…I repeat…

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HIM WHILE HE WAS ENDING HIS LIFE!!! 

Doesn’t the school have a counselor.  Don’t they know the signs of pre-suicidal teens.  Why didn’t they SEE him?  Do SOMETHING?  DID they try?  How is their conscious today?

Since the world began to only care about “MY FOUR AND NO MORE” we have lost our sense of community.  The village CAN’T raise the child because we are no longer a village.  We are just a bunch of beings walking around only occupying our own space, numb and dumb to any world, but ours.  So afraid of being sued or hurt if we out our nose in someone else’s business.

Stefani, you can’t save the world, it’s not your responsibility.

If everyone says, NOT I, then WHO WILL?

This is my heart felt cry!

4 Rooms

My house has 4 rooms
4 doors that never close

They are filled with:

Wisdom
Achievement
Loyalty &
Love

Then the WALLs began to crumble
The years began to pass

The doors once open
Filled with life
Emptied as each chose a different path

Door 1 closed;
Off to college with hopes for bigger things

Door 2 closed;
Off to play sports, I can reach my dreams

Door 3 closed;
Off with friends, phones and clothes
And “You know what I means”

I sit at home
In the 4th room
Alone
Longing for their return

I hope their doors will open soon
Before mine is closed for good

There are 4 rooms in the house
On a sign that says for sale

It once was full of life they say
Who’s the owner?
No one can tell

An empty house is no one’s home
The 4th door has closed at last

The 4 great winds
They closed that door
My 4 rooms are now my past.

I am Wind.

People flow in and out, all around.

I am just a whisper in the wind as they tighten their coats.

I can get through even though they try to block me out.  They never like it.

They hide behind brick walls or metal doors, but they can’t hide there forever.

Once they come out again, I am there waiting to see into their souls.

I have my own soul, but theirs is so much brighter.

I am jealous.  It’s envy, I know the signs.  It makes me angry and sad.

No matter which emotion I feel, I always cry.

Why can’t my soul be that bright?  I want to be that bright, but the darkness won’t move out of my way.

Can I fool them?  Can I make them think that my soul is bright too?  Maybe they are fooling me.

Oh, why is it always so sad here inside, where no one wants to be, with me?

The pain expands and I want to scream, but who will care?

So, I sit in my cold, lonely, dark corner all by myself.